WIll I journal...

8. června 2017 v 2:20 | AriaEleanor |  Co chci říct
Someone once told me...or have I read it somewhere? That writing a journal can have a therapeutic effects. what do you know. It might be true.

It's 8.6.2017 1:48
I am awake. I was with Mickey to the vet today. I think I am more stressed than she, but on the other hand...I might not. She's got more pills than I've ever seen. at least that thing on her lid is gone. I have to feed her antibiotics. It will be hard. But she's behaving extremely well. She might not have long to live tho... It was expensive, but definitely worth it. I hope she'll pull through. I have to go with her again on Monday. Will have to take a day off work. Again. Still worth it.

I don't feel well. Menses came again. In the worst possible day. I guess I'm just too stressed out.

Found two new animes. Didn't watch anything in a very long time. But these are good enough. I hope writing will help me somehow. But miracles don't exist, huh. They as well might. Please let her pull throu...

I'm nervous. Can't eat, can't sleep. I didn't quite get used to work yet. Even after so many months. People around are good...and bad, but well, those don't bother me, so I don't care.

I bought a new gaming mouse. Nothing to play atm. Did Tera for 4 days, will quit again. My laptop just can't keep up anymore. Even graphic card drivers are outdated and card won't supprt updates anymore. Sucks. Could buy a better one now but...what's the point. Got some money on my account. Saved from those months of work, but...whatever I buy, I feel empty. This is what they mean, whn they say, that money can't buy everything. I thought I knew what the meaning was. I had no clue. As with many things once I left my secluded school life. It didn't necesserily get more difficult. I just have to interract with more people than I'm used to and it freaks me out. immensely.

I've got some ups and downs lately. Mostly downs actually. I don't have energy. I don't have will. I wanted to sew some new skirts to wear, since most of mine have broken zippers. But I can't even get up to the machine. It's not as bad as it was tho. I might actually get through this disgust. In time. I think I'm not stalling right now. That it will come b ack if I just leave it a little bit more time. I'm optimistic about it. Which I haven't been in quite some time about many things.

I also wanted to draw. Really did. But I somehow cannot on the paper. I wanted to sketch digi. But I gues my graphic tablet is just dying. I finally got it to move on top of Sai, but then it stopped again and it won't even recognize pressure anymore. Must be drivers obviously, but I dunno what to what do with that except reinstall (rewrite), cause, there's just no unstall button ... And I can't find them all to manually delete them. Sigh.

Should I save it? Delete it? Might as well save, right? I might reread this in the future and remember how miserable I was. And at that time I will be feeling fine. I'll be healthy. Will have no gums and teeth pain. Will lose weight and get my thyroid checked (yes I did just look for the word in a dictionary). I will feel ok again. Balanced. I will talk to people again. Get in touch with friends....and not be on the verge of crying every time something upsets me.

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